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In essence, you don’t have to say, “Um, hey, so I found your vibrator, do you want to talk about it? But you can still have value-based conversations about sex without your kid wanting to crawl under the covers and play white noise until you leave them alone. In fact, it’s important to discuss consent and birth control and alcohol and all the other things that can help them make smart decisions when the time comes. Finding a vibrator doesn’t have to be the focus of the discussion, but perhaps it’s a catalyst for other topics. Reed also notes that toys can also be useful conversation-starters, especially if you and/or your partner struggle to communicate your needs in the bedroom.

Jerome recalls being “thrilled” when a single woman in her 80s felt comfortable talking to her about how she still felt sexual but had been taught masturbation is wrong. If you plan to, find a way that would work with your teen and wouldn’t send them running to their room with their hands over their ears. Nothing may be more cringey for your child than a sit-down to discuss sex, so Levkoff advises finding moments that will connect with your child.

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