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Instead, keep talking, in that first conversation and later on, about the kinds of sensations you both enjoy or are interested in exploring and how you could see toys playing into the sex you already have. Encourage each other to think outside the box of genital stimulation. From that place of understanding, you can start to dive more fully into toys. Bringing sex toys into partnered sex can open up entirely new realms of pleasure for everyone involved. Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist who is committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. In addition to Healthline, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more!

Without proper preparation – like foreplay and lube – anal sex can be painful, causing tears that allow bacteria or viruses to more easily enter your bloodstream. There are a variety of plug training kits on the market that come with plugs ranging from small to larger sizes. These can gradually stretch the muscles and make them more responsive to anal play. They usually look like a cone – starting narrow and getting wider before narrowing again – but can also be long and ribbed. They should also have a wide base to prevent the toy from going in too far.

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