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If yes, you deserve penance—only bread and water for three years on fast days. It is also possible that the ancient dildo was not intended for penetration, as evidenced by the signs of wear on the object’s exterior, which may suggest it was used to stimulate the clitoris. Life during ancient China’s Han dynasty (206 BC to AD 220) appears to have constantly swayed between the strangely familiar and the oddly eccentric, as these newly revealed artifacts show. In what is now Balat, Turkey, Miletus was known as the olisbos production and distribution center.

For testing purposes, though, I even tried it on my lightly textured wall, and it stuck without budging. Made with a special “liquid silicone,” this is one of the softest dildos I’ve felt and, therefore, was extra comfortable while providing that ridged titillation at the top. Many non-human dildos haven’t done much for me, as they’re too often just colorful uniform cylinders.

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