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Instead, keep talking, in that first conversation and later on, about the kinds of sensations you both enjoy or are interested in exploring and how you could see toys playing into the sex you already have. Encourage each other to think outside the box of genital stimulation. From that place of understanding, you can start to dive more fully into toys. Bringing sex toys into partnered sex can open up entirely new realms of pleasure for everyone involved. Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist who is committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. In addition to Healthline, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more!

More about the “put a condom on a toxic toy to make it safe again”. Most condom will tear on sex toys or won’t even protect you from the harmful chemicals. You can learn more about the subject with this incredibly helpful blog post by Dangerous Lily. Like the name suggests, you pop it in and keep it there, like a plug. Butt plugs aren’t designed to hit one specific spot, the way prostate massagers are—they’re great for generally stimulating the anus and rectum and delivering that satisfying sensation of “fullness.” The prostate is jam-packed with nerve endings (almost as many as the clitoris), meaning lots of people get a lot of pleasure from stimulating the walnut-sized gland.

There’s also double-strap strap-ons, which are designed to be worn by people with penises. There’s a hole for the penis and a second one for the base of the dildo. If you’re planning on using the dildo during solo sex, Finn recommends a dildo with a suction cup base, like the Avant P1 Pride Freedom dildo. Also known as single-ended dildos, standard dildos most resemble biological penises in shape and function. “You can’t go wrong with water-based lubricant, because it’s kind of like the jack-of-all-trades lube and it’s compatible with all your toys,” says Engle.

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